Monday, December 17, 2007

They Say....

They say that everyone has a limit to their tolerance. Do you agree? Some people have a higher level of tolerance where as there are people who could not tolerate much. Well I say that every 2 individuals are like an Emotional Bank Account.

What is an Emotional Bank Account? The Emotional Bank Account is a metaphor describing relationships and the P/PC (Production versus building Production Capacity) balance for interdependence. It describes how trust is built on a relationship.

Positive behaviors are deposits building a reserve. Negative behaviors are withdrawals. A high reserve balance results in higher tolerance for our mistakes and more open communication.

There are six major deposits we can make to the emotional bank account:

1) Understanding the individual. An individual's values determine what actions will result in a deposit or a withdrawal for that individual. To build a relationship, you must learn what is important to the other person and make it as important to you as the other person is to you. Understand others deeply as individuals and then treat them in terms of that understanding.

2) Attend to the little things, which are the big things in relationships.

3) Keep commitments. Breaking a promise is a major withdrawal.

4) Clarify expectations. The cause of almost all relationship difficulties is rooted in ambiguous, conflicting expectations around roles and goals. Making an investment of time and effort up front saves time, effort and a major withdrawal later.

5) Show personal integrity. A lack of integrity can undermine almost any effort to create a high trust reserve. Honesty requires conforming our words to reality. Integrity requires conforming reality to our words, keeping promises and fulfilling expectations.
The key to the many is the one, especially the one that tests the patience and good humor of the many. How you treat the one reveals how you regard the many, because everyone is ultimately a one.

6) Apologize sincerely when you make a withdrawal. Sincere apologies are deposits, but repeated apologies are interpreted as insincere, resulting in withdrawals.

So when 2 people keeps on depositing positive deeds with one another to the bank account, eventually their relationship will grow stronger and of course trust, commitment and communication would gain to a better level of mutual understanding. But it would work the other way around as well when 2 people do too much withdrawals from their emotional bank account.

Some people keep asking me, "How could you be so cruel / ruthless to certain people?" People who knows me, they know that I'm very jolly and down to earth kinda person. BUT only when good emotional bank account has been kept.

I do tolerate people very well but there are a minority that would end up hell with me. Why is that so? Disappointment is the key. Every relationship you have with friends or other more than friends, there is a certain level of expectations you would expect from them. We're humans, many times we would fail to meet up to people's expectations.

True some people may say, we're just friends why should you expect so much? Of course that I would agree. But what of those who are more than friends? Your partner in a relationship per SE? Each human surely would have expectations with their girlfriends or boyfriends. What if they do not meet up to your expectations? Naturally forgiveness will kick in. What if over and over again he/she fails to meet up? That's withdrawal of your emotional bank account.

When the account is empty, then what? Chaos would kick in. Vengeance and hatred would come in as well? Obviously no couple would want to end up like this. It is due time then that the couple should start all over again and deposit into the bank account, so that things would get better. Unfortunately it's not that way for someone that I know. Despite how many times she had withdraw from the account, none had been deposited back in. Hence that is one of the many reasons he have changed his attitude towards her.

Many times he told himself not to be so, just try to chill, try to forgive. But each time he manages to tell himself so, Withdrawals will kick in again. Frustrations! Many times he had tried to move on, but she still tries to gain him back. When he returns, she is back to her withdrawal rally!

How could someone be like this? How could someone takes a relationship for granted like this? Seriously it's a pain to my eye. Stress kicks in all the time. He had a bad mood every morning when she calls and talks. The whole day ruins for him. From what I heard, He has from a good health to a mild hypertension now. Sigh this is a very good example of people taken another person for granted. Try to make things better will ya? Good relationships are to find let alone maintaining it. Understanding is the key people!!

Note: Definition of Emotional Bank Account was sourced by 7-habits


Anonymous said...

Hmm, someone's been reading 7 Habits haven't they ??

I agree with most points, but I would also like to add that some people don't deserve an emotional bank account at all because they've withdrawn too much.

Calv said...

true that. some dont but sadly, i believe in everyone deserves a chance.

i did not only read 7-habits...i am certified :P

3POINT8 said...

Emotional bank account.
WoW! Do they offer any credit cards?

Btw, cool tips!

Calv said...

haha why not try to ask for a debit card instead. credit card not so good

pinksterz said...

emotional bank accoun reminds me of sperms bank account tho =.="

anyway, some people do love to take things for granted (but in my case i ask you to send me pringles because you love pringles hence you shud spread your love towards pringles to the other side of the globe!)and i dont give a damn to this kind of people too. :D

and to me, once hurt sorry no more second chance no matter how much deposits you give. hmph.

p.s.: so i am not your chayang anymore :P

Calv said...

hahahaha....not my chayang anymore la...ok lor... dun come crying back :P

Cen Ni said...

Nice post.. *ponders*

Calv said...

hehehe thank u thank u