Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Something to Note and Remember!

It's been really a while since I blogged at all but I feel that these several turns of event it's something that I would like to record down and remember. What could be any worse for anyone to face.

August 2010.

This month kinda served me as a black month as there had been so many things happening to me that really makes me feel that there could not be any worse situation of situations a person can face at one straight go.

First of all, my brother's case. I guess I won't go into the details as it is not my issue at all. It affected me in a way that it has affected my family. From affecting my family it will indirectly affect me as well. Too much to go through and too much hassle running up and down just to get this thing sorted out.

Took about 1 week to 2 to settle this problem but let's face it; even after this experience it kinda shook everyone in the family including me. It's definitely something that I would not want to go through again. However, that does not fall to me to decide. Many a times if you think about it, it's usually due the cause of some smart ass that would create problem for this world to bear.

Secondly, I lost something that I've really deemed precious to me. Her... She has been the one that meant so much to and she's far too important for a man to lose. Well, due to either her or my own fault, those times have to end.

I can say one thing for sure. It's not easy for a man, well least of all me, to actually be able to decide or to even think of settling down, a.k.a marriage. She was the one I've set my eyes upon. She was my decision. Those who have known me for years know that I'm not the kind of person who would even think or even jump this length to a relationship.

So I dunno, for me, it's kinda big a deal as in the fact that I would decide such drastic decision, it's not easy at all and it took hell of a long road to come to that. Maybe to others its much simpler. You be with someone, you see him/her fit for a life partner, you plan and that's it... BOOM you 2 are on the track. But for me, it's like a civil war in my head.... To do it or not to do it... Alas the decision to do it had won. And yet, I lost her. I keep asking myself this same question.

"Will I be able to find such kind of person in which I will be able to decide like this again?" Somehow my answer is still "No".

To some, they will tell you that it's not like that, you will eventually find it again and you will not end up alone. That's not me. Once I've decided on something, it's really going to be difficult to change my mind especially on such big decisions like these. Wouldn't it be much harder to replan all these again?

I guess it's enough to record down for this part. The rest I would just wanna keep inside me and hopefully forget one day. I have a short term memory lost thing but to such long journey experience, somehow It's gonna take more than this sickness of mine to get rid of.

Thirdly, I received a news one day that a friend had passed on. I initially thought it's a prank from my friend. I've not met the deceased for like 2 years now and suddenly he's gone. When I realized that my friend's not joking, man the flashback of the good ol times we had just came back! I went to his funeral at the funeral parlor. Saw his coffin and thought to myself. Life is really short. To make matters worse, unpredictable. I mean like you may be living here one day and the next, you're all over again on the dice to roll to see whether you live or you die.

It is a callback to me to tell myself that life is too short to waste it. It did inspire me a little. I need to find myself again. I need to get myself back again. No doubt it was a sad night. Whole group of friends gathered at his funeral, catching up and all....remembering all the things that we had gone through with him, those crazy times...

To think again, it's really not easy to let him go. He was a good person, a good friend at least. But due to some reasons that I will not disclose here, he decided to go like that. Just a shocker to us all.

Last but not least, my job.... I made a decision to come back to my old job. I thought I would be able to expand myself. I thought the company had really changed... I was so wrong. so cheated.

I lost my job. Well, not technically...coz I actually resigned. I was made to choose between 2 most important thing to me...for now.... my job or my other important stuff... I had no choice.. everything was settle and we're ready. Too late to turn back now. Then the last minute this company had to come back to its old self again.

I was put into a situation where I have 2 choices and I had really no choice but to let go of my job. It's really not an easy choice but I know I had to make the decision. Tomorrow's my last day and I'm still cluless on where to look for a job. Sigh...

So at the end, like the chinese would always say:

I'm Old, I'm broke, Wife also runs away.

Seriously this month is really a FUCK my Life Month!