Monday, February 25, 2008


I'm going to refrain myself from buying the newspaper for a couple of weeks. All the Hoo-Haa about the upcoming elections and seeing all the favouritism of the media over the government is killing me.

And they say it's a fair vote. Face it people! the government wants you to think it's fair and all but after you vote for them, they'll not give a monkey's ass about your problems. All they want is to make you think that they care. BUT the ultimate question is DO THEY REALLY CARE???

OK I'm going to stop bitching about the election coz whenever I talk about them, I curse a lot and I get really pissed off about it. =.=

So this is my NEW proposal.....

I'm going to write an email to someone to ask him to come to KL and sign up to be a politian. And all of us would vote for him OK? He's a very great guy and I'm very sure that we would live in harmony and peace when he comes. I'll get to the points later, so without further or do, Let me introduce to you none other than......


I'm going to haul his ass over here to rally up a political run. And I do expect everyone to support him. Wanna know why you should support him??

  • He'll make this country free from poverty. Basically one of our goal in this coutnry is to relinquish the poverty rate in this country. Well with people all over the world coming to see him, I believe in a short period, we'll solve that problem now don't we?

  • We'll finally be out of corruption from the cops. Why? This guy hates cops and he will enforce all sorts of policy to destroy this cop corruption in our country.

  • Music lives free! As some of you know, our censorship board in malaysia had banned a huge amount of talented artists or music to come in to our country. It's a muslim country apparently and they have this sort of regulations and all. But no fear, Manson is here.

  • Manson is a satanist as said and he is dubbed reverand manson in the church of satan. It's not true as I have checked out the list of reverands in the church and his name wasn't in. Though he may be a satanist but he's sure as hell isn't a racist. I'm sure we would destroy this racism in this coutnry as well.

Actually there's more but I don't wanna take up too much of your time about this. He's a good deal to be considered about :p

He even has his Logo and posters up already.

But of course like any other men, After work, it's all about his personal life :p

He can speak for anything. See, he looks so serious and dedicated.

And last but not least, He gives away his teachings via music. Nothing is ever better to present your points by music. Most effective in my most honest opinion.

Wahahaha so what are you guys waiting for? Are you in or are you out?!

p/s: I'm just bored and the blue monday syndrome is hitting on me again. Sigh...

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Ever Wondered Why?

Election is coming near for this country, Malaysia. The craziest thing is that each term, we gather, they rally, we vote, BUT???? As usual no matter how much we protest against the ruling party, they always win. Ever wondered why?

Does this mean that they are REALLY much better than the other parties? A Ruling party that practises racism, but DEMANDS us citizens that we are NOT allowed? So many things had happened in our country for the past years. Let's just bring up a few, aight?

Altantuya Murder: It's been since November 2006 but up till this date, this issue had not been solved. Is it because the accused is a son to someone important in the country that is why it is taking so long?

Michael Backman: He once released a book about our country's political problems as well as corruption. I personally bought the book and read it. I find it quite interesting to find out that Malaysia is one of the top list for most corrupted country in the world with a 137% corruption. =.="

Sexist Council Chairman: A lady get peeped on the CCTV in a council meeting and instead of bringing the CCTV operator into justice, our chairman made comments that it's the woman's fault as she wears too sexily and tempted the CCTV operator... seriously, WTF man?!

Jury system in Malaysia: This is a good one. Our own leader, the people whom we look up to calls us being just too stupid to be jurors...

Not to mention the constant price hikes on various items such as alcohol, tobacco, toll or even petroleum. for now Petrol has not hiked but I can assure you one thing. If this Party wins this election, it'll be almost a confirm deal that they will come out with some reasons to hike up the petrol again. True or not leaders?

Still interested in voting for them? Seriously, I thought they would be a great leader. They actually was during the time of our previous Prime Minister. This current one kinda fucks everything up. That's my personal opinion.

Look at the place where I live, the roads at the housing area are all messed up thanks to the road-broadening project these blokes are working on. So now the work is completed, roads had been broadened then what? THE FUCKING HOUSING ROADS ARE STILL IN A FUCKING MESS YOU BITCHES! ARE YOU GONNA FUCKING PAY FOR OUR CAR MAINTENANCE EXPENSES??! Fucking brainless people.

You sure as hell ain't getting my vote people. =.="

Monday, February 18, 2008

That Tickles!

Ever heard of a new spa system called THE FISH SPA?

I was like what on earth is that? I seriously didn't know this thing existed until my friend asked us all to try it out at Pavilion. Apparently there's like tons of fish nibbles at your feet trying to suck the life out of you... so beware... NAH I'm just kidding...



It's at a place called Kenko.... Yes I thought so too. The name's way too cheesy. Sounds like some sort of a sweet shop or something.


The place is flooded with people. I was never surprised as we all know, we're Malaysians. When there's something new in town, Everyone would rush their busy ass off to see what the heck is it then walk on their way. But for this, There's tons of patrons as well as tons of busy bodies passerby.

My friends decided to give it a try so I was like, what the heck? Just go for it, how bad could it get right? Besides the fishes are small. But hell, I really don't know what am I putting myself through. =.="

First we're ushered to a small room to wash our feet. We have to make sure to wash off our stench before dipping our feet into the pool. This is to ensure safety for the fishes in case your feet stench would kill em all!


Then we need to go through a feet inspection to make sure we don't have cuts or bleeds. We don't want the fishes to be infected by


Then off we go, start sitting down on any place you find suitable and dip your feet in. Then let the nibbles begin!!



Gradually more and more fishes will come and start nibbling at your feet. Honestly, I'm very ticklish of all places, MY FEET!!! You can imagine I had to move my legs and kinda make weird noises ever so often coz of those damn fishes tickling them.

They said it's supposed to be relaxing and all but seriously, I BET TO FRIGGIN DIFFER! Everyone was looking at me when I make odd noises and to tell you the truth, I was kinda embarrassed but what the heck? Since when I ever cared how people look at me? I'm having fun squirming :p



Check out how hungry they are. It's like we sat for 30 mins and there's never a minute they would leave my poor feet alone... =.="



As you can see how I clenched up my feet. It's so hard to focus on anything else just to divert my attention. Those blasted creatures just won't leave me alone!!! But you think I'm the only one who can't take it?


She was literally shaking there and moving uncomfortably from left to right. Her best catch line was "I feel ....... violated!" wahahahaha that's a good one, It's like we kinda got fucked by a bunch of fish!


This couple had no troubles being nibbled. They looked so calm and relaxed... I was almost convinced that it was only me who seems to unable to cope up with the fish nibbling sensation until I found out....THERE'S NOT MUCH FRIGGIN FISHES AROUND THEM!!!!

Well, maybe it's coz they have errr.... feet smell problem till the fishes wanted to run away from them instead :p

Overall The whole session was a great but weird experience. One way of seeing this whole experience is that we paid to be fed by fishes. But the price was alright. It's RM38 for 30 mins on the pool so I guess the price is pretty reasonable judging from the "Violations" we felt the whole time.

They even have head, feet or shoulder massages, but of course by human beings and not fishes =.=" So if you wanna experience this as well, Head down to Pavilion and try it out for yourselves.

I would like to dedicate this section to a friend who left to Melbourne to further his studies for 4 years. Not sure when we would be seeing him again. Well, take care Sonnie, we'll always be here waiting. He mentioned to me the other day and that made me realized one thing: We've been friends for like 7 years now and I was like WOW.... that's pretty long! wahahahaha




What a couple eh? hehe...

To Sonnie: Take care and well you'll obviously make it through the 4 years and probably come back with something better. So might as well you enjoy studying and working there and make sure you remain your funny self :p

Don't la so Saaaaad....

To Pings: I know it's hard for you right now as it's never this long you've been apart from him, know that it's never easy on him too. Life always finds its own ways and this would not be an exception. As long as you 2 a devoted to one another, there's nothing that could stand in between you guys. And oh yea, you 2 make the best but yet the weirdest couple I've ever met! wahahaha Do not hesitate to reach out to us as we're your friends and we would be there for you through your rough phase. :)

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Happy Valentines All you Lovers Out There

The Month of Feburary for us Asians is a month of a few celebrations. First there's always Chinese New Year, A new day for the new chinese lunar calender similar to our New Year's Day worldwide. Just the thought of Chinese New Year, there's a few more other chinese related festive celebration that follows such as 7th day of the chinese lunar calender and Chap Goh Meh, The 15th day or the last day of Chinese New Year celebration.

Apart from that there's always Velentine's Day which is celebrated on the 14th of February. This is specially dedicated too Lovers worldwide to celebrate this romantic day with each other. So allow me to take this opportunity to wish every individual who reads this blog a very very....


For the girls, just sit back and enjoy the ride that your man/men/boy/boys have to offer. I'm sure every guy out there will be cracking their heads up on what to do or where to bring you girls out for a good time or "happy times". You know what I mean right?

For the guys out there, Show them girls what we're made of. Don't disgrace us guys ok? Be as sweet and sensitive as possible and of course do your plannings ahead. If you are only planning it the very last minute, be the reasons you have no time or too busy, then you actually already planning to fail. *wink* If you still don't know what to do or coz your're a sore loser, here's some pointers that may help you along the way....

1) Always compliment your partner, A show of appreciation to your partner is very vital to start off a great date for the evening. In a way, it'll boost both party's fondness for each other and things would go sweeter as the date goes on.

You can't expect to diss your partner and expect a warm evening with him/her right? Imagine this, when you greet her at her door, you blurted out as below:

Guy: Wow you look fat today...
Girl: =.="
Guy: By the way, Happy Valentine's Day (with an unwelcoming tone)
Girl: *piss off*

I'll personally salute you if your date is successful at the end of the day...

2) A gift would be nice. Some flowers, or maybe Chocolates (I know someone who would go crazy if I get them chocs =.=") Get them something decent. Something that in a way symbolizes how much she worths to you. Don't go around get some weird stuff from the Dollar shop. You'll end up showing her that she only worths 1 buck =.="

If you're well off enough then I suppose the ultimate gift would do the trick. What is it you ask? Wahahahaha....


3) Bring your date to a nice cozy, romantic dinner. KL is a city where is flooded by nice and decent restaurants. To name one, the new Pavillion Mall itself has a large number of nice and fancy restaurants that you could bring your partner around.

Yes I understand in KL, during valentine's day you have to do reservations in advance else you would not be able to get a seat in any of the restaurants. That's why I said above if you only start planning now, you are actually planning to fail.

Another factor is that KL's traffic would be crawling with cars from bumper to bumper. Yes it's hectic and all to go anywhere when you're from KL city, but hey, It's only once a year that you do such sacrifices for your partner, and most of all, Your loved one! BE A MAN, DO THE RIGHT THING *Russell Peter's voice*

Don't go bringing your partner to places like these....

Man I can assure you, you're getting THIS close to get yourself fired! wahahaha. There may be times where the girls would they don't mind. DON'T LISTEN TO THEM!

The way girls function by now as a man you should know. When they say Yes, It means NO, When she says No, it means YES!!

After the dinner and all, well here comes the treat for most couples *wink*


Oh yes before I forget, I made a promise to my *ahemm* girlfriend *ahemm* that I would announce about us during Valentine's Day. Wanna know who she is?


Yeap... None other than our former princess, Eileen.... wahahahaha We started off about a month ago while she is away in Germany. She'll be back end of this month so for this year, I don't get to celebrate Valentine's but I do get to celebrate a late one :p

Not only I have to celebrate valentine's alone but the next day after valentine's is my birthday as well. So that makes an extra special day for me in the month of February! This year MIGHT be the first birthday I celebrate alone as I still have no plans on what to do for my day yet hahaha.

OK People, have a great day tomorrow and hope the pointers helps :)

Monday, February 11, 2008

Sorry For The Late Wishes but.......


Apparently The year of the Rat is a prosperous or a good year for most chinese zodiac signs so do enjoy the good fortunes or good comings that's on your way. Hope all of you get blessed by this year's surprise.


Of course we have to work our ways through success right? Don't tell me by lazing around you get to earn the big bucks. PTUII~~ Everything has to start from yourself, So WORK ON IT!!!

Some things are better late than never right? I was kinda busy with all the preparations for this festive season and yes how could I forget that I'm sick throughout the Chinese New Year? Sigh........ oh well maybe it's cause I've been missing someone so dearly? You know who you are right? hmmm........

Yes some of you have known yet some of you still wonder, who could this person be? Well stay tuned, I'll let you guys in for a little secret in due time. Relax Hmmk?

Till then........

EAT MORE.........

ENJOY MORE........

WIN MORE.........



sigh I'm working today already =.="

Sigh........ I miss Hong Kong. See the fireworks so nice!!!

P.S: I'm currently Addicted to KIAP THE FLY...... wanna play? just click on the Hong Leong Ads on my blog above and you'll find out. DAMMIT IT'S SO FUCKING ADDICTIVE!!! WAHAHAHAHAHA

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Habit 7: Sharpening The Saw

Principles of Balanced Self-Renewal

Suppose you came upon someone in the woods working to saw down a tree. They are exhausted from working for hours. You suggest they take a break to sharpen the saw. They might reply, " I didn't have time to sharpen the saw, I'm busy sawing!"

Habit 7 is taking the time to sharpen the saw. By renewing the four dimensions of your nature - physical, spiritual, mental and social/emotional, you can work more quickly and effortlessly. To do this, we must be proactive. This is a Quadrant II (important, not urgent) activity that must be acted on. It's at the center of our Circle of Influence, so we must do it for ourselves.

The Physical Dimension.

The physical dimension involves caring for your physical body - eating the right foods, getting enough rest and relaxation, and exercising on a regular basis.

If we don't have a regular exercise program, eventually we will develop health problems. A good program builds your body's endurance, flexibility and strength. A new program should be started gradually, in harmony with the latest research findings.

The greatest benefit of taking care of yourself is development of your Habit 1 "muscles" of proactivity.

The Spiritual Dimension.

The spiritual dimension is your center, your commitment to your value system. It draws upon the sources that inspire and uplift you and tie you to timeless truths of humanity.

A doctor suggested that Covey try a four step prescription at three-hour intervals at his favorite place as a child. Listen carefully, try reaching back, examine your motives, and write your worries in the sand.

When we take time to draw on the leadership center of our lives, what life is ultimately all about, it spreads like an umbrella over everything else. This is why a personal mission statement is important.

The Mental Dimension.

It's important keep your mind sharp by reading, writing, organizing and planning. Read broadly and expose yourself to great minds.

Television is the great obstacle to mental renewal. Most of the programming is a waste of time.

Every day we should commit at least one hour to renewal in the first three dimensions: physical, mental, and spiritual. This practice is a "Daily Private Victory."

The Social/Emotional Dimension.

The physical, spiritual, and mental dimensions are closely related to Habits 1, 2 and 3: personal vision, leadership and management. The social/emotional dimension focuses on Habits 4, 5 and 6: the principles of personal leadership, empathetic communication and creative cooperation.

Our emotional life is primarily developed out of and manifested in our relationships with others. Renewing our social/emotional dimension requires focus and exercise in our interaction with others.

Success in Habits 4, 5 and 6 is not primarily a matter of intellect, but emotion; it's highly related to our sense of personal security. Intrinsic security comes from within, from accurate paradigms and correct principles deep in our own mind and heart. It comes from living a life of integrity, in which our daily habits reflect our deepest values.

There is also intrinsic security that comes as a result of effective interdependent living and from service, from helping other people in a meaningful way. Each day, we can serve another person by making deposits of unconditional love.

Scripting Others.

Most people are living in a reactive mode based on the social mirror. Their scripts are based on the opinions, prescriptions, and paradigms of the people surrounding them. As interdependent people, we recognize our role as part of that social mirror.

We can affirm the proactive nature of others by treating them as responsible people. We can help support them as principle-centered, value-based, interdependent, worthwhile individuals.

In the story of the mix up of the "bright" and "slow" students, the teachers of a group of "slow" children erroneously classified as "bright" said, "For some reason, our methods weren't working, so we had to change our methods." The IQ scores of the students dramatically improved. Apparent learning disability was really teacher inflexibility.

Goethe taught, "Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be."

Balance in Renewal.

Self renewal must include balanced renewal in all four dimensions--physical, spiritual, mental and social/emotional. Neglecting any one area negatively impacts the rest.

The same concept also applies to organizations. The process of continuous improvement is the hallmark of the Total Quality movement and a key to man's economic ascendancy.

Synergy in Renewal.

The things you do to sharpen the saw in any one dimension have a positive impact in the other dimensions, because they are so highly interrelated.

The Daily Private Victory, a minimum of one hour a day to renew the personal dimensions, is the key to the development of the Seven Habits and is completely within your circle of influence. It's also the foundation for the Daily Public Victory. It's the source of the intrinsic security you need to sharpen the saw in the social/emotional dimension.

The Upward Spiral.

Renewal is the principle and process that empowers us to move on an upward spiral of growth and change, of continuous improvement.

Education of the conscience is vital to the truly proactive, highly effective leader. Conscience is the endowment that senses our congruence or disparity with correct principles and lifts us towards them. Training and educating the conscience requires regular feasting on inspiring literature, thinking noble thoughts, and living in harmony with its small voice.

Dag Hammarskjold, past Secretary-General of the United Nations, said, "He who wants to keep his garden tidy doesn't reserve a plot for weeds." The law of the harvest governs, we will always reap what we sow--no more, no less.

Moving along the upward spiral requires us to learn, commit and do on increasingly higher planes.


So there you go. All of the 7 Habits had been published. Now I know a lot of you don't really read them up but that's ok for now :p I first thought it to be boring as well. But when I really read it up and practise on day to day basis, I realized it's more than meets the eye.

Next up would be the regular blog inputs with pictures and so on. Until the time when I'm inspired to do some food for thought stuff. Cheers all

Monday, February 04, 2008

Habit 6: Synergize

The exercise of the other habits prepares us for synergy.

Synergy means the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. The relationship which the parts have to each other is a part in and of itself - the most empowering, unifying and exciting part.

The essence of synergy is to value differences - to respect them, to build on strengths, and to compensate for weaknesses. The way to achieve synergy is through the creative process, which is terrifying, because you never know where the creative process will lead you.

Synergistic Communication

Synergistic communication is opening your mind and heart to new possibilities. It may seem like you are casting aside "beginning with the end in mind," but you are actually fulfilling it by clarifying your goals and discovering better ones.

Almost all creative endeavors are somewhat unpredictable, and unless people have a high tolerance for ambiguity and get their security from integrity and inner values, they find it unpleasant to be involved in highly creative enterprises.

By taking the time to really build a team, creating a high emotional bank account, the group can become very closely knit. The respect among members can become so high that if there is a disagreement, there can be a genuine effort to understand.

High trust leads to high cooperation and communication. The progression of communication is defensive (win or lose/win), to respectful (compromise), to synergistic (win/win). Synergistic communication must be achieved to develop creative possibilities, including better solutions than original proposals. If synergy isn't achieved, even the effort will usually result in a better compromise.

Synergy in the Classroom

A synergistic class progresses from a safe environment to brainstorming. The spirit of evaluation is subordinated to the spirit of creativity, imagining and intellectual networking. Then the entire class is transformed with the excitement of a new direction. This is not a flight of fancy, but of substance.

Other times a class may approach synergy, but descends into chaos. Synergy requires the right chemistry and emotional maturity in the group to develop.

Synergy in Business

Excitement can replace respectful exchanges and ego battles. But a particular synergistic experience can seldom be recreated. Rather, new experiences should be sought.

By synergistically creating a mission statement, it becomes engraved in the hearts and minds of the participants.

Fishing for the Third Alternative

The "middle" way may not be compromise, but a third alternative, like the apex of a triangle.

By mutually seeking to understand and be understood, the participants pool their desires. They work together on the same side to create a third alternative to meet everyone's needs.

Instead of a transaction, this is a transformation. Each participant gets what they really want, and they build their relationship in the process.

Negative Synergy

The usual win/lose approach results in expending negative synergy. It's like trying to drive down the road with one foot on the gas and the other on the brake. Instead of taking their foot off the brake, most people give it more gas. They apply more pressure to strengthen their position, creating more resistance. In contrast, a cooperative approach enables accomplishment.

The problem is that highly dependent people are trying to succeed in an interdependent reality. They may talk win/win technique, but they want to manipulate others. These insecure people need to mold others to their way of thinking.

The key to interpersonal synergy is intrapersonal synergy - synergy within ourselves helps us achieve synergy with others. The heart of intrapersonal synergy is the first three habits, which give the internal security sufficient to handle the risks of being open and therefore vulnerable. In addition, by learning to use the left brain, logic, with the right brain, emotion, we develop psychic synergy that is suited to reality, which is logical and emotional.

Valuing the Differences

The essence of synergy is to value the mental, emotional, and psychological differences between people. The key to valuing these differences is to realize that all people see the world, not as it is, but as they are.

The person who is truly effective has the humility and reverence to recognize his own perceptual limitations and to appreciate the rich resources available through interaction with the hearts and minds of other human beings.

That two people can disagree and both be right is not logical, it's psychological. And it's very real. We see the same thing, but interpret it differently because of our conditioning. Unless we value the differences in our perceptions and understand that life is not always a dichotomous either/or, that there are almost always third alternatives, we will never be able to transcend the limits of our conditioning.

If two people have the same opinion, one is unnecessary. So when I become aware of the difference in our perceptions, I say "Good! Help me see what you see." By doing that, I not only increase my awareness, but I also affirm you. I give you psychological air. I create an environment for synergy.

Force Field Analysis

According to Kurt Lewin, a sociologist, the current level of performance or being is a state of equilibrium between the driving forces encouraging upward movement and restraining forces discouraging it.

Driving forces are positive, personable, and conscious. Restraining forces are negative, emotional, unconscious, and social/psychological. Both forces must be considered in dealing with change.

Increasing driving forces may bring temporary results. Eventually, restraining forces act like a spring to throw the level back down.

To produce synergy, the concepts of win/win, mutual understanding and seeking synergy are used to work directly on the restraining forces. Involving people in the problem, so they understand it, makes it their problem. They tend to become an important part of the solution. As a result, shared goals are created, enabling the whole enterprise to move upward.

The legal process should be a last, not first, resort because it polarizes the parties, making synergy practically impossible.

All Nature is Synergistic

Ecology, the interrelationship of things, describes the synergism in nature. In the relationship creative powers are maximized. The Seven Habits are also interrelated and are most powerful when used together.

Synergy is the crowning achievement of the previous habits. It is effectiveness in an interdependent reality.

A lot of synergy is in your circle of influence. You can value both your own analytical and creative sides. You can sidestep negative energy and look for the good in others. You can courageously express your ideas in interdependent situations. You can value the differences in others when you see only two alternatives, yours and the "wrong" one. You can seek a synergistic third alternative.

Friday, February 01, 2008

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand Then to be Understood

We often prescribe before making a proper diagnosis when communicating. We should first take the time to deeply understand the problems presented to us.

The real key to influence is example - your actual conduct. Your private performance must square with your public performance.

Unless people trust you and believe you understand them, they will be too angry, defensive, guilty or afraid to be influenced. Skills of empathic listening must be built on a character that inspires openness and trust and high emotional bank accounts.

Empathic Listening

People tend to filter the information they receive through their own paradigms, reading their autobiography into other people's lives, or projecting their own home movies onto other people's behavior.

When another person is speaking, we usually "listen" at one of four levels: ignoring, pretending, selective listening, or attentive listening. We should be using the fifth, highest form of listening - empathic listening.

Active or reflective listening is skill-based and often insults the speaker.

Empathic listening is listening with intent to understand the other person's frame of reference and feelings. You must listen with your ears, your eyes and your heart.

Empathic listening is a tremendous deposit into the emotional bank account. It's deeply therapeutic and healing because it gives a person "psychological air."

Next to physical survival, the greatest need of a human being is psychological survival - to be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, and to be appreciated.

Empathic listening is risky. It takes a great deal of security to go into a deep listening experience because you open yourself up to being influenced. You become vulnerable. In order to have influence, you must be influenced.

Diagnose Before You Prescribe

It can be dangerous to prescribe without an accurate diagnosis.

An effective salesperson seeks to understand the needs, concerns and situation of the customer. An amateur sells products, the professional sells solutions.

This is a common denominator principle with its greatest power in interpersonal relationships.

Four Autobiographical Responses

Evaluate - Agree to disagree.

Probe - Ask questions from your own frame of reference.

Advise - Give counsel based on your own experience.

Interpret - Explain motives and behavior based on your own motives and behavior.

These behaviors are controlling and invasive. They may also be logical, and the language of logic is different from the language of sentiment and emotion.

You will never be able to truly step inside another person and see the world as he sees it until you develop the pure desire, the strength of personal character, and the positive emotional bank account as well as the empathic listening skills to do so.

The skills involve four developmental stages:

1. The least effective is to mimic content, which is taught in active or reflective listening - repeating what the person said back to him or her.

2. To rephrase the content is more effective, but still limited to the verbal communication. It's putting the persons' meaning in your own words. This is a "logical" approach.

3. To reflect feeling involves the right brain, emotional level.

4. To rephrase the content and reflect the feeling includes both the second and third, attempting to understand both sides of his communication and give psychological air.

All the well-meaning advice in the world won't amount to a hill of beans if we're not addressing the real problem. And we'll never get to the real problem if we can't see the world from another point of view.

By seeking first to understand, we can turn a transactional opportunity into a transformational opportunity. We can get on the same side of the table looking at the problem instead of staying on opposite sides staring at each other.

Emotional statements require empathic, logical-emotional responses.

Children will open up to their parents if they feel their parents will love them unconditionally and will be faithful to them afterwards, never ridiculing them.

Sometimes talking isn't necessary to empathize; the words may get in the way.

Empathic listening takes time, but not as much time as backing up and correcting misunderstandings, including living with problems and the results of not giving the people you care about psychological air.

Understanding and Perception

By understanding the other person, we can learn their paradigms through which they view the world and their needs. Then we can try to resolve our differences to work together.

Then Seek to be Understood

Knowing how to be understood is as important as seeking to understand in reaching Win/Win solutions, and requires courage.

The Greek philosophy of Ethos, Pathos, and Logos gives the sequence for effective communication. Ethos is your personal creditability. Pathos is the empathic side. Logos is the reasoning side. Most people go straight to the logical side without first establishing their character and building the relationship.

Describe the alternative they favor better than they can themselves. Then explain the logic behind your request.

When you can present your own ideas clearly, specifically, visually and most importantly contextually - in the context of a deep understanding of their paradigms and concerns - you significantly increase the creditability of your ideas.

One on One

Habit 5 is powerful because it focuses on your circle of influence. It's an inside out approach. You are focusing on building your understanding. You become influenceable, which is the key to influencing others. As you appreciate people more, they will appreciate you more.

Opportunities to practice this habit proactively occur every day with your co-workers, customers, friends, and family.

When we really deeply understand each other, we open the door to creative solutions and third alternatives. Our differences are no longer stumbling blocks to communication and progress. Instead they become the stepping stones to synergy.