Sunday, March 31, 2013

Fundementals of a Successful Relationship

Today is more of a topic in which purely comes from my own opinion. I know others have their own views of how to maintain a successful relationship, do feel free to drop a line of your opinion as well if you'd like to; however this is again, my point of view.

I do not claim myself as a man who is successful at relationships, trust me, I had my flaws and made abundance of mistakes before. However, through those mistakes and flunked out relationships in my life, I do come to conclusion of a few factors to work on to make your very own successful relationship.

The way I see it, relationship is broken down into 3 main elements:

1) Communication

There is a reason why I put the sequence the way it is. 
I always believe communication is always the top priority in one's relationship.See, the human's mind is mankind's greatest mystery. Thousands of scientists and psychologists had their full on discovering the human mind and we are still nowhere near to discover its full potential. Hence, simply put, no partner can ever truly figure out what the other partner would do or react to certain situations. I mean of course, there are assumptions and expectations, but let me get to that later on...

When we are in a relationship, nothing builds up a mutual understanding or mutual agreement quicker than the art of communication. I always believe there's a right thing to say to the right person at the right time. Wrong judgement on what sentence structure to put to someone at a wrong timing would definitely lead to a disagreement or later, an argument. I know people tend to shy away from talking about their flaws or mostly, with our ego and all, most definitely not want to talk about what they have done wrong.


Main reason is that we are too proud of ourselves that we will never want to accept the fact that we made a mistake. Even so that we ACKNOWLEDGED that the mistake was ours, we definitely not take criticism positively. We must learn to put our pride down, know that our partner is pointing out our mistakes solely because it had hurt him / her and would want to solve this problem so it would not happen again.

So if you continue to communicate, you would know your partner's style and method in communicating then it would lead to the fact that you know that your partner actually mean no harm when he/she is pointing out the errors you made. Of course when you point out the mistakes of your partner, do so with the intentions of solving the problem and making the relationship better; not just for the sake of pointing it out to drop your partner's self esteem.

2) Trust

I think this speaks for itself. Read the book from Franklin Covey, The speed of trust. You would then understand the effectiveness of actually trusting someone instead of slowly wait for your partner to build your trust. Many people are like this, not only in work environment but also in relationships. When you accept the relationship, you would be weary and keeping your eyes locked at the first sign of unfaithfulness or even disadvantages of your partner.

I understand that this is merely just to protect yourself from getting hurt over and over again. I do that too sometimes. But what I learned is that if we do that, we are merely wasting time and tiring ourselves down to be alert at all times. Why can't we just sit back and relax and enjoy what the relationship can bring you instead? 

Example, once you accept a relationship, you put in 10% of your trust into your partner and expect your partner to build your trust till 100%. How long would that take? A week? A month? Years maybe? Are you able to keep your awareness for that long? Wouldn't it tire the hell out of you? Once you have the 100% relationship only you would consider this a successful relationship?

Why not, instead of placing only 10% of trust to your partner, place a 100%? I know, there's a lot at stake here with your heart and emotions, but trust me, it'll be hell a lot faster. Why make it your responsibility to calculate your trust for your partner? Make it your partner's responsibility to MAINTAIN that 100%! The moment you place your trust a 100%, you would realize that you are much better off doing so, and you would be more at ease enjoying what happiness this relationship could bring.

3) Commitment

Commitment is commonly one of the toughest task for people these days. Why am I saying so? There's plenty of fish in the sea ain't it? People are so spoiled with choices that they are so blinded with the one good thing their own partner could give them. 

For men especially, we are hunters, we like to hunt, it's in our blood. But let me tell you this, if you fail to resist this temptation, you fail yourself as a man. Men also have self control in their blood. Why do we keep failing to use that instead of falling into temptations.

I've seen so many cheating men and women amongst my friends that it actually sickens me to the core. People should fall back to their basics which is contentment. Why bother looking for someone better when you can always make the best of the one that you already have?!

Let me ask you. If you are dating a 25 year old girl now. 5 years down the road, she'll turn 30. However, there will be a whole new batch of 25 year old girls during that time, then what? Go for them? 5 years later, the cycle will continue. Everyone will grow old, so will yourself. It's time to just look into your own life and say stop to all these cheating and discontentment and make yourself a better person.

In conclusion, if you fail either one of these elements, you fail yourself and you have failed your relationship. However, if you have learned how to master these elements, I truly believe you are already there to the road of a successful and meaningful relationship, maybe even a fulfillment of a meaningful life :)

I will write on another day about ASSUMPTIONS and EXPECTATIONS on my next post. It'll be something again, purely from my own opinion and of course, you are free to shout your disagreement at me or point out what you think is better. 

Thursday, March 28, 2013

After All These Years

Yes, the title said it... After all these years, I finally came back writing something on this blog. To be honest I never really see myself coming to write something again but after reading back some of my posts, I cam to realize that "hey, I still could use this as a reference to my life story whenever I want."

Last I posted was about diving in Dahab. Since then there's so many changes in my life. I was in a company that had me travel all over Asia Pacific, gotten my Divemaster license, bought a car, bought a condominium, changed to a better paying job and so on.

Life was pretty rocky no doubt. Pretty much going up and down as usual.

I'm 32 now. Age is somehow catching up and I can feel myself older and of course wiser....yea right?! :p

I'm working with Maxis now. Big company, big position....sounds luxurious... but trust me when I tell you, it's not that luxurious at all... Yes the pay is good and all but is it worth to the extend where you lose your freedom, you looks your time, you lose sleep and stress still continues to build. To me, I guess it made sense to move then. It was an offer that I find challenging to refuse due to the pay and all. I guess I'll stick around and see how far this can go. Yes I have from time to time consider should I take a more wind down job and with that good amount of pay. Chances are slim no doubt, but hey, sometimes there are miracles ha ha...

I'm going through renovation of my condo right now and it's really something I'm looking forward to. I'll be able to move in after a month. I kinda over spent on my renovation and stuff....not by a few thousands of course but merely a few tens of thousands. :(

This home better be damn near worth it..!!!

After 3 years of not blogging, it has opened my eyes to a lot of stuff around the world. Back then it's always "will this thought go well in my blog?" or "will this picture fit in my blog?" Everything is so oriented with this blog. No doubt it was fun writing it all down. But guess what? now that I think back about it, even like taking pictures of food seemed silly :) couldn't believe I actually took a few shots of dishes, edit the pictures then post it up. Guess I must have been pretty free back then. Now?? The moment the food is on the table, Fuck it, I'll eat it first :D Ain't nobody got the time to take some damn pictures....

Of course when it comes to traveling, I do take pictures here and there. I've been to Maldives too. Took some picture with my iPhone... guess what? Shitty quality. So much for memorabilia for Maldives... The moment I stopped blogging, I stopped using my DSLR camera as well. Until early this year when I went to Vietnam. Took me a while to get use to the settings and the skills of using DLSR but hey it worked out just fine he he...

I'll update some more of what has been changed through these years soon enough. Till then, gotta get some sleep :)