Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Conflicts in a Relationship

OK. Let's begin. As I have mentioned in my previous post, there are 2 things that usually cause conflicts or disagreements in a relationship.

1) Assumption
Do you realize in Asia mostly, 2 people while going through a courting phase, they can be like the best of friends. They actually discuss or talk about absolutely including things that are embarrassing or things that may deem weird as well.

The moment these 2 people step into a relationship, they start to be a little more careful with what information they share to their partner. This often baffles me as I fail to understand the logic sometimes. Shouldn't the information sharing upgrade as the status of our relationship gets an "upgrade" as well? Why limit the topics? But of course by doing so, couples tend to think out of the box or simply, ASSUME.

Think about this, each time your boyfriend or girlfriend goes out for a drink with his/her friends, the other will worry; You would start to think whether he/she has gotten into trouble with some other guy or girl in the bar or club. Will he/she cheat on you? Yes no doubt worry is part and parcel of a relationship as well. But from worrying it has lead to assumption which may cause misunderstanding or even conflicts to that relationship. If you have a question or something's bothering you, why not just ask and get the clarification you need so you can have a good night sleep?

Of course we will beat back to square 1 where 2 people limit the topic of conversation. This has to of course be eliminated first of all and continue the communication you had before you got into this relationship.

Other words, first learn how to communicate then seek answer instead of assuming; nothing good will come out of assumption. The more you assume, the more worried you may get yourself into.

2) Expectation
I understand that there are a certain level of expectations in a relationship; maybe like not betraying the trust, or even to getting you a present cause it's some sort of special occasion. Yes it's nice to get something more than what is expected but don't you agree that most of the time, people over expect and when their expectations are not met, they get all disappointed as well as frustrated?

Usually people will expect and they will just keep quiet and hope that their partner will be able to "read their mind" and meet the said expectations, but I can tell you this, 80% of the time, the expectations will not be met. 

Question then, why not just DON'T EXPECT at all and when your partner does something nice to you, your reaction to that surprise would be much well received than expecting something but not being met?

I often tell myself not to expect anything from the relationship I have. So each time my girlfriend does something nice for me, I would be happy coz she had something for me after all. If she has not done anything, then, it's fine coz I didn't expect anything at all in the first place.

Of course let's not take this for granted though; when it's her birthday or valentines or maybe your relationship anniversary, do get her something nice. May not have to be something costly but something that comes from your heart. But for those materialistic partners out there, it's not your partner who is not giving you what you want; but merely it's just that you have expected too highly on your gifts instead. 

Let's thing about that :)