Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts

Friday, April 24, 2009

What Happened to Recordedmoments???


Dammit it's been so long since I've been able to have any time sparred to write anything in my blog. Work has even come to a point where it's everywhere in my mind.

What should I do???

Never mind, just let me babble something spontaneously just for fucks sake.

As I have read back my older posts, It occurs to me that all my past experience is just a mere recognition of the previous me. I have changed. No doubt in my body size =.=" but as well as the way I start to think.

As people start to age, we would realize that the past us are just mere memories of what we used to be. That's all the reason I've started this blog in the first place.

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Back in those days, was never a weekend I would miss hitting the clubs and local bars to have a good time with my mates and all. We could bring ourselves to go all out till the morning sun warmth starts hitting our tired faces. Well not really tired though and furthermore we could continue till the afternoon strikes us and end up scouring the house for a place to rest LOL.

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On weekdays, my mates and I will be going out for dinners... realize the plural i placed on dinner? It's mainly coz we could never stop on 1 place for food. Usually we would hop on the car and then start looking for other places for a drink and chill. Now this is what I would call living life on the fast track.

However, when you get older and career starts to prioritize in your mindset, your whole lifestyle completely changes. You would put in so much effort regardless it's emotional, mental or even physical, you would go the extra mile with what you got on your career. This often makes us tired as hell by the time we're off from work.

By the time you reach home, you would feel the weight of your day's labour hovering on your shoulder and you would just call it quits and call it an early night off.

Well this is just my perception. Other reality is well.... we're just getting older LOL

I know some of you would just pfft at me or even laugh at this statement that I do agree I'm getting older. This is what I call life. It's not that I do not enjoy life as I used to anymore but in a way, I'm happy that where my hard work has gotten my career thus far.

It has been fruitful though just I would need a couple more years to be where I actually want to be in the corporate ladder hence I have to act fast :p

Look at where I am now, career wise, I'm a manager...well those days when people see you as a manager, they would go like "Waaa.... good life huh you?"

To be entirely honest with you, being a manager DOES NOT mean that you have a better life than any executives out there. Yes no doubt you get to push people around from time to time, but hey at the end of the day, the higher your position is, the more responsibilities you have to bear on your shoulders.

Like what Spiderman Movie said.... "With great powers comes great responsibilities!"
It's a true fact....Chew on that...

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

What on earth is going on??

My apologies people, As most of you know recently we have internet issues with Streamyx and also possible with other ISP outside.

Hence this had made me unable to upload pictures through the internet as my upload speed now is like only about 40-100kbps >.< in which, layman terms it means it's fucking slow to upload any pictures....

Since there's no pictures to upload, let me recap on my resolution for year 2008.

1) Cutback on smoking.
  • I have been trying for about 2 years to quit on smoking. I used to smoke like 2 packs of cigs a day. I fully understand the consequences of smoking and yes, I have been working on cutting down from 2 packs a day till up to date 3-4 days a pack. Not much of improvement you say? Well for some it's quite difficult despite the stress and the issues I go through throughout the 2 years. In a way, I'm making progress...

  • Well for this whole year round, I didn't really manage to cut down significantly, however, I did manage to only maintain the same amount of smokes per day... hence, I FAILED...

    2) Improvements in my career.
  • I have just changed a new job. I'm earning more than my previous company. In a way I'm proud of my achievements but for this year, it's gonna get harder. I would like to stand out in my career and I have set a certain amount I wanna achieve in salary and as well as I have set the position I would like to be in for my career - a full fledged manager. :p

  • Hmm.... year 2008 was considered challenging to me coz I have changed like 3 jobs in that year. However, it's an upgrade on each job I've changed. I'm a full fledged project manager now and I'm happy with my job despite the busy schedule. So... this is a PASS....

    3) Find someone special.
  • for 15 months now I've remained single. I've never gone out much from my house. My only routine is to go to work and come home. That's about it. Isolation was my theme for the past year. This time around, I think it's a suitable time for me to look for someone special to complete myself in the things I would not be able to do alone. *I know. some of you are laughing while reading this =.=" *

  • Umm.. need I say more? I have found someone special and till this day, I'm still very happy being with her ^^ so this is a PASS...

    4) Change of Lifestyle.
  • As I mentioned above, I have not gone out much the whole year hence it kinda distorted my once glorious social life. :( *Stop laughing =.="* So I think this year I should go out and meet the world once again. Working with my previous company had made me too lazy to go out coz everyday during the weekdays I work till late nights therefore making me lazy to leave the comfort of my house after office. It also made me appreciate home more during the weekends as it's the only time I would be able to relax and rest. This new job however, is more relaxed. They don't really encourage overtime works. So I believe I'll be able to have more time spent not only with my family but with my friends as well. :)

  • I have had some outings this year. I've been slightly more active with my friends this year around and I'm proud to pronounce this resolution a PASS...

    5) Obesity control.
  • Ever since I got back from Hong Kong at 2006, I gradually grew bigger in size as well as weight. I used to frequent the gym but after Hong Kong, I've been lazy and well too tired after work to hit the gym. So This year, I'm gonna put myself back to the gym and I would wanna have a proper toned up body by the end of this year *fingers crossed*

  • I failed plus failed another time.... historically, the heaviest I've been is like 75kg but this year around, I've gone up to 80kg >.<>

    6) Getting a place to call my own home.
  • For 2 years now I've been planning to get my own place but was either too lazy to look for one, or due to some other plans of leaving the country that stopped me from searching harder. This year I suppose it'll be a better idea to get my own place. Well I might achieve in finding someone special so in a way, I do need something solid as well. A home would be the best bet.

  • Due to the frequent change of jobs, my income was affected as well, hence I limited myself from viewing any properties. So this year I'm probably gonna try again.... For now, this resolution FAIL...

    Well well, 3 passes and 3 fails. Not bad still... It's still a 50% success to setup your own resolutions.

    I will figure out what is my 2009 resolution is and will then update here once again...Sigh gonna be another year older soon... >.<

    Tuesday, September 30, 2008

    Sorry for the Lack of updates.

    I've been pretty sick the whole of last week. Been down with high fever first of all from Tuesday till Friday. On Saturday, I was getting better, or so what I thought...

    After picking up Eileen's parents from the airport, We had dinner somewhere at a hawker food stall and the next day, I was caught up with food poisoning..

    No it was not the China milk products that you may think. I'm really not sure whether is it the hawker food or the subway sandwich in which I've indulged myself with... But good enough, I was down again with fever and food poisoning. The whole of Sunday and Monday I had my stomach squirming with pain, not to mention the vomits and the poop I've had to endured throughout the 2 days.

    However, I'm back again to work on Tuesday. I'm still not feeling very well though but having sick leave for 4 days isn't a good thing to the company's eye.

    Even lunch today I couldn't bring myself to eat more than the usual lunch portion that I'm used to. Just a few spoon feed away and I'm already feeling like vomiting what I have indulged in. I am hungry though. Very indeed but heck there's nothing I could do but drink more water and keep myself warm in the air conditioned environment my office invited me to.

    I am thankful however that there's not much work stacked up for me while I'm gone, so working on my job has been pretty smooth sailing till now *cross fingers*

    And now I'm craving again... This time around, I'm craving for salad :p Don't ask me why but I love salad. Just that it's really hard to get a good fresh salad these days in KL.

    Oh later I'm celebrating my mom's birthday with Eileen's parents attending as well, so yea, I'm pretty nervous But I'm sure I'll get by. On the bright side though I can have my craved salad :p

    Tuesday, June 03, 2008

    Where Have I Been?

    So many people have asked me of where have I been? Have I been missing? Hmm... guess I do owe a lot explainations on where on earth I am. :p

    I have been home all these months, yeap you didn't read me wrongly, I'm jobless now and I've been spending most of my time at home. Rarely even going out at all. And of course, what could 1 person be doing at home, resources of activities are so limited.

    I've been as usual, playing game...well it's a Mass Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game (MMORPG) mainly it's called World of Warcraft. It's mainly the only thing I opt to do since I refuse to go out of my home mainly coz I wouldn't wanna spend unnecessarily.

    Can you imagine me not spending a single cent during the days but just staying home wasting my life away by this game? LOL

    Actually, that's not true. I do on other parts of the day do look for a job online. And yes again, I AM online all the time. Just that I wasn't on MSN or even my blog. Too lazy to chat and yea lazy to blog as well. :p

    I am getting a job soon so I do hope my blogging habits would come back to me again. Not to mention the inspiration to write comes back to me again. Seriously, I don't know what to write these days...

    OK Here's a funny video about the game Someone sent to me on youtube :p



    I know some of you know what game it is and so welcome to the addiction :p

    For those who have not tried or even heard of it before, DON'T TRY IT! It'll eat your life away :p

    cheers

    Sunday, March 09, 2008

    Update.....Apology

    You guys must have wondered what happened to me for almost 2 weeks missing in action from my blog. I'm sorry for the suddenly disappearance as I was pretty much busy with loads of things such as accompanying my girl since she's back.

    These 2 weeks was really great no doubt it has its ups and downs but hey, nothing's perfect right? It's all about how we take in the bad situations and make the best out of it.

    Since Eileen came back, we kinda spent a lot of time together. Basically we've been like apart for like 3 months and I guess taking 2 weeks off from my blogging duty to accompany her isn't such a bad thing after all. No doubt after a few days, her parents returned to KL as well and was kinda anxious to meet up with me.

    So then, I went to one of their family get together thing one night and yea to be honest, I was kinda nervous at first while driving to her place. As I reached, I was as calm as the sea and yea apparently I made quite an impression :p well good ones of course! hahaha....

    And of course I'm really grateful to have found such a wonderful person. She was very supportive and yes very understanding. Somehow our communication level was far much more better than any other people I have dated and to tell you the truth, I'm surprised myself at us.

    Ermm what else? Oh yea, I've been busy with err other personal stuff as well such as gaming! wahahaha and yes it's kinda addictive yet it helps me save money instead of going out of the house and spend them. Seriously it's a good thing in my honest opinion, I spend like RM50 a month playing game at home and just by that I was able to manage to save up a lot from my monthly income.

    I have nothing much to update and no pictures as of now but I can promise you guys one thing, I'll be back again shortly with more posts. I'm as of the moment really lacked of inspiration on what to write. I kinda lost it, maybe it's because I have diverted all my attention to our relationship till I have nothing better to whine write about. :p Alrighty then, stay tune for more posts, Take care guys :p

    p.s: Here's the couple that had won an award from People's Megazine. Great huh?

    Wednesday, February 06, 2008

    Habit 7: Sharpening The Saw


    Principles of Balanced Self-Renewal

    Suppose you came upon someone in the woods working to saw down a tree. They are exhausted from working for hours. You suggest they take a break to sharpen the saw. They might reply, " I didn't have time to sharpen the saw, I'm busy sawing!"

    Habit 7 is taking the time to sharpen the saw. By renewing the four dimensions of your nature - physical, spiritual, mental and social/emotional, you can work more quickly and effortlessly. To do this, we must be proactive. This is a Quadrant II (important, not urgent) activity that must be acted on. It's at the center of our Circle of Influence, so we must do it for ourselves.

    The Physical Dimension.

    The physical dimension involves caring for your physical body - eating the right foods, getting enough rest and relaxation, and exercising on a regular basis.

    If we don't have a regular exercise program, eventually we will develop health problems. A good program builds your body's endurance, flexibility and strength. A new program should be started gradually, in harmony with the latest research findings.

    The greatest benefit of taking care of yourself is development of your Habit 1 "muscles" of proactivity.

    The Spiritual Dimension.

    The spiritual dimension is your center, your commitment to your value system. It draws upon the sources that inspire and uplift you and tie you to timeless truths of humanity.

    A doctor suggested that Covey try a four step prescription at three-hour intervals at his favorite place as a child. Listen carefully, try reaching back, examine your motives, and write your worries in the sand.

    When we take time to draw on the leadership center of our lives, what life is ultimately all about, it spreads like an umbrella over everything else. This is why a personal mission statement is important.

    The Mental Dimension.

    It's important keep your mind sharp by reading, writing, organizing and planning. Read broadly and expose yourself to great minds.

    Television is the great obstacle to mental renewal. Most of the programming is a waste of time.

    Every day we should commit at least one hour to renewal in the first three dimensions: physical, mental, and spiritual. This practice is a "Daily Private Victory."

    The Social/Emotional Dimension.

    The physical, spiritual, and mental dimensions are closely related to Habits 1, 2 and 3: personal vision, leadership and management. The social/emotional dimension focuses on Habits 4, 5 and 6: the principles of personal leadership, empathetic communication and creative cooperation.

    Our emotional life is primarily developed out of and manifested in our relationships with others. Renewing our social/emotional dimension requires focus and exercise in our interaction with others.

    Success in Habits 4, 5 and 6 is not primarily a matter of intellect, but emotion; it's highly related to our sense of personal security. Intrinsic security comes from within, from accurate paradigms and correct principles deep in our own mind and heart. It comes from living a life of integrity, in which our daily habits reflect our deepest values.

    There is also intrinsic security that comes as a result of effective interdependent living and from service, from helping other people in a meaningful way. Each day, we can serve another person by making deposits of unconditional love.

    Scripting Others.

    Most people are living in a reactive mode based on the social mirror. Their scripts are based on the opinions, prescriptions, and paradigms of the people surrounding them. As interdependent people, we recognize our role as part of that social mirror.

    We can affirm the proactive nature of others by treating them as responsible people. We can help support them as principle-centered, value-based, interdependent, worthwhile individuals.

    In the story of the mix up of the "bright" and "slow" students, the teachers of a group of "slow" children erroneously classified as "bright" said, "For some reason, our methods weren't working, so we had to change our methods." The IQ scores of the students dramatically improved. Apparent learning disability was really teacher inflexibility.

    Goethe taught, "Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be."

    Balance in Renewal.

    Self renewal must include balanced renewal in all four dimensions--physical, spiritual, mental and social/emotional. Neglecting any one area negatively impacts the rest.

    The same concept also applies to organizations. The process of continuous improvement is the hallmark of the Total Quality movement and a key to man's economic ascendancy.

    Synergy in Renewal.

    The things you do to sharpen the saw in any one dimension have a positive impact in the other dimensions, because they are so highly interrelated.

    The Daily Private Victory, a minimum of one hour a day to renew the personal dimensions, is the key to the development of the Seven Habits and is completely within your circle of influence. It's also the foundation for the Daily Public Victory. It's the source of the intrinsic security you need to sharpen the saw in the social/emotional dimension.

    The Upward Spiral.

    Renewal is the principle and process that empowers us to move on an upward spiral of growth and change, of continuous improvement.

    Education of the conscience is vital to the truly proactive, highly effective leader. Conscience is the endowment that senses our congruence or disparity with correct principles and lifts us towards them. Training and educating the conscience requires regular feasting on inspiring literature, thinking noble thoughts, and living in harmony with its small voice.

    Dag Hammarskjold, past Secretary-General of the United Nations, said, "He who wants to keep his garden tidy doesn't reserve a plot for weeds." The law of the harvest governs, we will always reap what we sow--no more, no less.

    Moving along the upward spiral requires us to learn, commit and do on increasingly higher planes.

    ********************************************************************************


    So there you go. All of the 7 Habits had been published. Now I know a lot of you don't really read them up but that's ok for now :p I first thought it to be boring as well. But when I really read it up and practise on day to day basis, I realized it's more than meets the eye.


    Next up would be the regular blog inputs with pictures and so on. Until the time when I'm inspired to do some food for thought stuff. Cheers all

    Monday, February 04, 2008

    Habit 6: Synergize


    The exercise of the other habits prepares us for synergy.

    Synergy means the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. The relationship which the parts have to each other is a part in and of itself - the most empowering, unifying and exciting part.

    The essence of synergy is to value differences - to respect them, to build on strengths, and to compensate for weaknesses. The way to achieve synergy is through the creative process, which is terrifying, because you never know where the creative process will lead you.

    Synergistic Communication

    Synergistic communication is opening your mind and heart to new possibilities. It may seem like you are casting aside "beginning with the end in mind," but you are actually fulfilling it by clarifying your goals and discovering better ones.

    Almost all creative endeavors are somewhat unpredictable, and unless people have a high tolerance for ambiguity and get their security from integrity and inner values, they find it unpleasant to be involved in highly creative enterprises.

    By taking the time to really build a team, creating a high emotional bank account, the group can become very closely knit. The respect among members can become so high that if there is a disagreement, there can be a genuine effort to understand.

    High trust leads to high cooperation and communication. The progression of communication is defensive (win or lose/win), to respectful (compromise), to synergistic (win/win). Synergistic communication must be achieved to develop creative possibilities, including better solutions than original proposals. If synergy isn't achieved, even the effort will usually result in a better compromise.

    Synergy in the Classroom

    A synergistic class progresses from a safe environment to brainstorming. The spirit of evaluation is subordinated to the spirit of creativity, imagining and intellectual networking. Then the entire class is transformed with the excitement of a new direction. This is not a flight of fancy, but of substance.

    Other times a class may approach synergy, but descends into chaos. Synergy requires the right chemistry and emotional maturity in the group to develop.

    Synergy in Business

    Excitement can replace respectful exchanges and ego battles. But a particular synergistic experience can seldom be recreated. Rather, new experiences should be sought.

    By synergistically creating a mission statement, it becomes engraved in the hearts and minds of the participants.

    Fishing for the Third Alternative

    The "middle" way may not be compromise, but a third alternative, like the apex of a triangle.

    By mutually seeking to understand and be understood, the participants pool their desires. They work together on the same side to create a third alternative to meet everyone's needs.

    Instead of a transaction, this is a transformation. Each participant gets what they really want, and they build their relationship in the process.

    Negative Synergy

    The usual win/lose approach results in expending negative synergy. It's like trying to drive down the road with one foot on the gas and the other on the brake. Instead of taking their foot off the brake, most people give it more gas. They apply more pressure to strengthen their position, creating more resistance. In contrast, a cooperative approach enables accomplishment.

    The problem is that highly dependent people are trying to succeed in an interdependent reality. They may talk win/win technique, but they want to manipulate others. These insecure people need to mold others to their way of thinking.

    The key to interpersonal synergy is intrapersonal synergy - synergy within ourselves helps us achieve synergy with others. The heart of intrapersonal synergy is the first three habits, which give the internal security sufficient to handle the risks of being open and therefore vulnerable. In addition, by learning to use the left brain, logic, with the right brain, emotion, we develop psychic synergy that is suited to reality, which is logical and emotional.

    Valuing the Differences

    The essence of synergy is to value the mental, emotional, and psychological differences between people. The key to valuing these differences is to realize that all people see the world, not as it is, but as they are.

    The person who is truly effective has the humility and reverence to recognize his own perceptual limitations and to appreciate the rich resources available through interaction with the hearts and minds of other human beings.

    That two people can disagree and both be right is not logical, it's psychological. And it's very real. We see the same thing, but interpret it differently because of our conditioning. Unless we value the differences in our perceptions and understand that life is not always a dichotomous either/or, that there are almost always third alternatives, we will never be able to transcend the limits of our conditioning.

    If two people have the same opinion, one is unnecessary. So when I become aware of the difference in our perceptions, I say "Good! Help me see what you see." By doing that, I not only increase my awareness, but I also affirm you. I give you psychological air. I create an environment for synergy.

    Force Field Analysis

    According to Kurt Lewin, a sociologist, the current level of performance or being is a state of equilibrium between the driving forces encouraging upward movement and restraining forces discouraging it.

    Driving forces are positive, personable, and conscious. Restraining forces are negative, emotional, unconscious, and social/psychological. Both forces must be considered in dealing with change.

    Increasing driving forces may bring temporary results. Eventually, restraining forces act like a spring to throw the level back down.

    To produce synergy, the concepts of win/win, mutual understanding and seeking synergy are used to work directly on the restraining forces. Involving people in the problem, so they understand it, makes it their problem. They tend to become an important part of the solution. As a result, shared goals are created, enabling the whole enterprise to move upward.

    The legal process should be a last, not first, resort because it polarizes the parties, making synergy practically impossible.

    All Nature is Synergistic

    Ecology, the interrelationship of things, describes the synergism in nature. In the relationship creative powers are maximized. The Seven Habits are also interrelated and are most powerful when used together.

    Synergy is the crowning achievement of the previous habits. It is effectiveness in an interdependent reality.

    A lot of synergy is in your circle of influence. You can value both your own analytical and creative sides. You can sidestep negative energy and look for the good in others. You can courageously express your ideas in interdependent situations. You can value the differences in others when you see only two alternatives, yours and the "wrong" one. You can seek a synergistic third alternative.

    Friday, February 01, 2008

    Habit 5: Seek First to Understand Then to be Understood

    We often prescribe before making a proper diagnosis when communicating. We should first take the time to deeply understand the problems presented to us.

    The real key to influence is example - your actual conduct. Your private performance must square with your public performance.

    Unless people trust you and believe you understand them, they will be too angry, defensive, guilty or afraid to be influenced. Skills of empathic listening must be built on a character that inspires openness and trust and high emotional bank accounts.

    Empathic Listening

    People tend to filter the information they receive through their own paradigms, reading their autobiography into other people's lives, or projecting their own home movies onto other people's behavior.

    When another person is speaking, we usually "listen" at one of four levels: ignoring, pretending, selective listening, or attentive listening. We should be using the fifth, highest form of listening - empathic listening.

    Active or reflective listening is skill-based and often insults the speaker.

    Empathic listening is listening with intent to understand the other person's frame of reference and feelings. You must listen with your ears, your eyes and your heart.

    Empathic listening is a tremendous deposit into the emotional bank account. It's deeply therapeutic and healing because it gives a person "psychological air."

    Next to physical survival, the greatest need of a human being is psychological survival - to be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, and to be appreciated.

    Empathic listening is risky. It takes a great deal of security to go into a deep listening experience because you open yourself up to being influenced. You become vulnerable. In order to have influence, you must be influenced.

    Diagnose Before You Prescribe

    It can be dangerous to prescribe without an accurate diagnosis.

    An effective salesperson seeks to understand the needs, concerns and situation of the customer. An amateur sells products, the professional sells solutions.

    This is a common denominator principle with its greatest power in interpersonal relationships.

    Four Autobiographical Responses

    Evaluate - Agree to disagree.

    Probe - Ask questions from your own frame of reference.

    Advise - Give counsel based on your own experience.

    Interpret - Explain motives and behavior based on your own motives and behavior.

    These behaviors are controlling and invasive. They may also be logical, and the language of logic is different from the language of sentiment and emotion.

    You will never be able to truly step inside another person and see the world as he sees it until you develop the pure desire, the strength of personal character, and the positive emotional bank account as well as the empathic listening skills to do so.

    The skills involve four developmental stages:

    1. The least effective is to mimic content, which is taught in active or reflective listening - repeating what the person said back to him or her.

    2. To rephrase the content is more effective, but still limited to the verbal communication. It's putting the persons' meaning in your own words. This is a "logical" approach.

    3. To reflect feeling involves the right brain, emotional level.

    4. To rephrase the content and reflect the feeling includes both the second and third, attempting to understand both sides of his communication and give psychological air.

    All the well-meaning advice in the world won't amount to a hill of beans if we're not addressing the real problem. And we'll never get to the real problem if we can't see the world from another point of view.

    By seeking first to understand, we can turn a transactional opportunity into a transformational opportunity. We can get on the same side of the table looking at the problem instead of staying on opposite sides staring at each other.

    Emotional statements require empathic, logical-emotional responses.

    Children will open up to their parents if they feel their parents will love them unconditionally and will be faithful to them afterwards, never ridiculing them.

    Sometimes talking isn't necessary to empathize; the words may get in the way.

    Empathic listening takes time, but not as much time as backing up and correcting misunderstandings, including living with problems and the results of not giving the people you care about psychological air.

    Understanding and Perception

    By understanding the other person, we can learn their paradigms through which they view the world and their needs. Then we can try to resolve our differences to work together.

    Then Seek to be Understood

    Knowing how to be understood is as important as seeking to understand in reaching Win/Win solutions, and requires courage.

    The Greek philosophy of Ethos, Pathos, and Logos gives the sequence for effective communication. Ethos is your personal creditability. Pathos is the empathic side. Logos is the reasoning side. Most people go straight to the logical side without first establishing their character and building the relationship.

    Describe the alternative they favor better than they can themselves. Then explain the logic behind your request.

    When you can present your own ideas clearly, specifically, visually and most importantly contextually - in the context of a deep understanding of their paradigms and concerns - you significantly increase the creditability of your ideas.

    One on One

    Habit 5 is powerful because it focuses on your circle of influence. It's an inside out approach. You are focusing on building your understanding. You become influenceable, which is the key to influencing others. As you appreciate people more, they will appreciate you more.

    Opportunities to practice this habit proactively occur every day with your co-workers, customers, friends, and family.

    When we really deeply understand each other, we open the door to creative solutions and third alternatives. Our differences are no longer stumbling blocks to communication and progress. Instead they become the stepping stones to synergy.

    Tuesday, January 29, 2008

    Habit 4: Think Win Win


    Win/Win is one of six total philosophies of human interaction.

    1) Win/Win - People can seek mutual benefit in all human interactions. Principle-based behavior.

    2) Win/Lose - The competitive paradigm: if I win, you lose. The leadership style is authoritarian. In relationships, if both people aren't winning, both are losing.

    3) Lose/Win - The "Doormat" paradigm. The individual seeks strength from popularity based on acceptance. The leadership style is permissiveness. Living this paradigm can result in psychosomatic illness from repressed resentment.

    4) Lose/Lose - When people become obsessed with making the other person lose, even at their own expense. This is the philosophy of adversarial conflict, war, or of highly dependent persons. (If nobody wins, being a loser isn't so bad.)

    5) Win - Focusing solely on getting what one wants, regardless of the needs of others.

    6) Win/Win or No Deal - If we can't find a mutually beneficial solution, we agree to disagree agreeably - no deal. This approach is most realistic at the beginning of a business relationship or enterprise. In a continuing relationship, it's no longer an option.

    The most appropriate model depends on the situation. When relationships are paramount, Win/Win is the only viable alternative. In a competitive situation where building a relationship isn't important, Win/Lose may be appropriate. There are five dimensions of the Win/Win model: Character, Relationships, Agreements, Supportive Systems and Processes.

    1) Character is the foundation of Win/Win. There must be integrity in order to establish trust in the relationship and to define a win in terms of personal values. A key trait is the abundance mentality that there is plenty for everybody (v. the Scarcity Mentality). The abundance mentality flows from a deep inner sense of personal worth and security.

    2) Relationships are the focus on Win/Win. Whatever the orientation of the person you are dealing with (Win/Lose, etc.), the relationship is the key to turning the situation around. When there is a relationship of trust and emotional bank account balances are high, there is a much greater probability of a successful, productive interaction. Negative energy focused on differences in personality or position is eliminated; positive, cooperative energy focused on understanding and resolving issues is built.

    3) Performance agreements or partnership agreements give definition and direction to Win/Win,. They shift the paradigm of production from vertical (Superior - Subordinate) to horizontal (Partnership/Team). The agreement should include elements to create a standard by which people can measure their own success.

    a) Defined results (not methods) - what is to be done and when.

    b) Guidelines - the parameters within which the results should be accomplished

    c) Resources - human, financial, technical or organizational support available to accomplish the results.

    d) Accountability - the standards of performance and time(s) of evaluation.

    e) Consequences - what will happen as a result of the evaluation.

    The agreement may be written by the employee to the manager to confirm the understanding.

    Developing Win/Win performance agreements is the central activity of management, enabling employers to manage themselves within the framework of the agreement. Then the manager can initiate action and resolve obstacles so employees can do their jobs.

    There are four kinds of consequences that management or parents can control - Financial, Psychic, Opportunity and Responsibility. In addition to personal consequences, the organizational consequences of behaviors should be identified.

    4) The Reward System is a key element in the Win/Win model. Talking Win/Win but rewarding Win/Lose results in negating the Win/Win paradigm. If the outstanding performance of a few is rewarded, the other team members will be losers. Instead, develop individual achievable goals and team objectives to be rewarded.

    Competition has its place against market competitors, last year's performance, or another location or individual where cooperation and interdependence aren't required, but cooperation in the workplace is as important to free enterprise as competition in the marketplace. The spirit of Win/Win cannot survive in an environment of competition or contests. All of the company's systems should be based on the principle of Win/Win. The Compensation system of the managers should be based on the productivity and development of their people. Reward both P (production) and PC (building production capacity).

    5) The Win/Win process has four steps.

    a) See the problem from the other point of view, in terms of the needs and concerns of the other party.

    b) Identify the key issues and concerns (not positions) involved.

    c) Determine what results would make a fully acceptable solution.

    d) Identify new options to achieve those results.

    You can only achieve Win/Win solutions with Win/Win procedures. Win/Win is not a personality technique. It's a total paradigm of human interaction.

    Friday, January 25, 2008

    Habit 3: Put First Things First

    Before I start, Let me share with you what my friends did to me for christmas. Apparently I'm suppose to be their model. They used ANYTHING they cant find in the house to decorate me up. STOP LAUGHING!!!!

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    My facial expression was literally =.="


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    You think I'm funny?? Check HIM out!!

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    Got Banana at groin some more =.="

    Habit 1 - I am the Programmer.
    Habit 2 - Write the Program.
    Habit 3 - Execute the Program.

    Habit 3 is Personal Management, the exercise of independent will to create a life congruent with your values, goals and mission. The fourth human endowment, Independent Will, is the ability to make decisions and choices and act upon them. Integrity is our ability to make and keep commitments to ourselves. Management involves developing the specific application of the ideas. We should lead from the right brain (creatively) and manage from the left brain (analytically).

    In order to subordinate your feelings, impulses and moods to your values, you must have a burning "YES!" inside, making it possible to say "No" to other things. The "Yes" is our purpose, passion, clear sense of direction and value.

    Time management is an essential skill for personal management. The essence of time management is to organize and execute around priorities. Methods of time management have developed in these stages:

    1) notes and checklists - recognizing multiple demands on our time
    2) calendars and appointment books - scheduling events and activities
    3) prioritizing, clarifying values - integrating our daily planning with goal setting (The downside of this approach is increasing efficiency can reduce the spontaneity and relationships of life.)
    4) managing ourselves rather than managing time - focusing in preserving and enhancing relationships and accomplishing results, thus maintaining the P/PC balance (production versus building production capacity).

    A matrix can be made of the characteristics of activities, classifying them as urgent or not urgent, important or not important. List the activities screaming for action as "Urgent." List the activities contributing to your mission, value or high-priority goals as "Important."

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    Quadrant I activities are urgent and important - called problems or crises. Focusing on Quadrant I results in it getting bigger and bigger until it dominates you.

    Quadrant III activities are urgent and not important, and often misclassified as Quadrant I.

    Quadrant IV is the escape Quadrant - activities that are not urgent and not important.

    Effective people stay out of Quadrants III and IV because they aren't important. They shrink Quadrant I down to size by spending more time in Quadrant II.

    Quadrant II activities are important, but not urgent. Working on this Quadrant is the heart of personal time management. These are PC activities.

    Quadrant II activities are high impact - activities that when done regularly would make a tremendous difference in your life. (Including implementing the Seven Habits.)

    Initially, the time for Quadrant II activities must come from Quadrants III and IV. Quadrant I can't be ignored, but should eventually shrink with attention to Quadrant II.

    1) Prioritize
    2) Organize Around Priorities
    3) Discipline yourself

    Self discipline isn't enough. Without a principle center and a personal mission statement we don't have the necessary foundation to sustain our efforts.

    Covey has developed a Quadrant II organizer meeting six criteria:

    Coherence - integrates roles, goals, and priorities.

    Balance - keeps various roles before you so they're not neglected.

    Quadrant II Focus - Weekly - the key is not to prioritize what's in your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.

    A People Dimension - think of efficiency when dealing with things, but effectiveness when dealing with people. The first person to consider in terms of effectiveness is yourself. Schedules are subordinated to people.

    Flexibility - the organizer is your servant, not your master

    Portability

    There are four key activities in Quadrant II organizing, focusing on what you want to accomplish for the next 7 days:

    1) Identify Roles
    2) Select Goals - two or three items to accomplish for each role for the next week, including some of your longer term goals and personal mission statement
    3) Scheduling/Delegating - including the freedom and flexibility to handle unanticipated events and the ability to be spontaneous
    4) Daily Adapting - each day respond to unanticipated events, relationships and experiences in a meaningful way.

    Here are five advantages of this organizer:

    1) It's principle-centered - it enables you to see your time in the context of what's important and what's effective.
    2) It's conscience directed - it enables you to organize your life around your deepest values.
    3) It defines your unique mission, including values and long-term goals.
    4) It helps you balance your life by identifying roles.
    5) It gives greater perspective through weekly organizing.

    The practical thread is a primary focus on relationships and a secondary focus on time, because people are more important than things.

    The second critical skill for personal management is delegation. Effectively delegating to others is perhaps the single most powerful high-leverage activity there is. Delegation enables you to devote your energies to high level activities in addition to enabling personal growth for individuals and organizations. Using delegation enables the manager to leverage the results of their efforts as compared to functioning as a "producer."

    There are two types of delegation: Gofer Delegation and Supervision of Efforts (Stewardship).

    Using Gofer Delegation requires dictating not only what to do, but how to do it. The supervisor then must function as a "boss," micromanaging the progress of the "subordinate." The supervisor thus loses a lot of the leveraging benefits of delegation because of the demands on his time for follow up. An adversarial relationship may also develop between the supervisor and subordinate.

    More effective managers use Stewardship Delegation, which focuses on results instead of methods. People are able to choose the method to achieve the results. It takes more time up front, but has greater benefits.

    Stewardship Delegation depends on trust, but it takes time and patience. The people may need training and development to acquire the competence to rise to the level of that trust.

    Stewardship Delegation requires a clear, up-front mutual understanding of and commitment to expectations in five areas:

    Desired Results - Have the person see it, describe it, make a quality statement of what the results will look like and by when they will be accomplished.

    Guidelines - Identify the parameters within which the individual should operate, and what potential "failure paths" might be. Keep the responsibility for results with the person delegated to.

    Resources - Identify the resources available to accomplish the required results.

    Accountability - Set standards of performance to be used in evaluating the results and specific times when reporting and evaluation will take place.

    Consequences - Specify what will happen as a result of the evaluation, including psychic or financial rewards and penalties.

    Using Stewardship Delegation, we are developing a goose (to produce golden eggs) based on internal commitment. We must avoid Gofer Delegation to get the golden egg or we kill the goose - the worker reverts to the gofer's credo: "Just tell me what to do and I'll do it."

    This approach is a new paradigm of delegation. The steward becomes his own boss governed by his own conscience, including the commitment to agreed-upon desired results. It also releases his creative energies toward doing whatever is necessary in harmony with correct principles to achieve those desired results.

    Immature people can handle fewer results and need more guidelines and more accountability interviews. Mature people can handle more challenging desired results with fewer guidelines and accountability interviews.

    So once you have mastered the first 3 habits, you have conquered the personal victory. You have come to a certain alignment in your ownself and hence the next would be going out to the world to gain a public victory.

    Side note: I bet a lot of people will think this post is too long to read. Well it's either you get it all or don't get it at all right? :p

    Monday, January 21, 2008

    Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind

    Principles of Personal Leadership

    What it Means

    • To begin with the end in mind is to begin with the image of the end of your life as the frame of reference by which everything else is measured.
    • We may be busy, we may be efficient, but we will only be effective if we begin with the end in mind.

    All Things are Created Twice

    • Habit 2 is based on the principle that all things are created twice:
      a) a mental or first creation
      b) a physical or second creation
    • Most endeavors that fail, fail with the first creation.

    By Design or Default

    There is a first creation to every part of our lives. We are either the second creation of our own proactive creation, or we are the second creation of other people's agendas, of circumstances, or of past habits.

    Leadership and Management

    • Habit 2 is based on principles of personal leadership, which means that leadership is the first creation. Management is the second creation.
    • Management is doing things right, leadership is doing the right things.
    • Often people get into managing with efficiency, setting and achieving goals before they have even clarified values.

    Rescripting: Becoming Your Own First Creator

    Proactivity is based on the endowment of self-awareness. Two additional endowments enable us to expand our proactivity and to exercise personal leadership in our lives:

    • imagination allows to visualize our potential
    • conscience allows us to develop our talents within the context of principles and personal guidelines.

    A Personal Mission Statement

    • The most effective way to begin with the end in mind is to develop a personal mission statement.
    • The key to the ability to change is a changeless sense of who you are, what you are about, and what you value.
    • Once you have a sense of mission, you have the essence of your own proactivity; the vision and values which direct your life, the basic direction from which you set your goals.

    At the Center

    • Whatever is at the center of our life will be the source of our security, guidance, wisdom, and power.
    • What is at the center of your life?

    Alternative Centers

    • Spouse centeredness
    • Family centeredness
    • Money centeredness
    • Work centeredness
    • Possession centeredness
    • Pleasure centeredness
    • Friend/enemy centeredness
    • Church centeredness
    • Self centeredness

    A Principle Center

    • Our lives need to be centered on correct principles -- deep, fundamental truths, classic truths, generic common denominators.
    • As a principle centered person, you try stand apart from the emotions of situations and from other factors to evaluate options.



    I always keep a saying in me to keep reminding me on being a better planner...

    FAILING TO PLAN IS PLANNING TO FAIL

    This helped me through a lot of planning. Be it to become a better person or to be a good leader, I often turn to these statement and keep reminding myself, I need to finish what I have started else I'm actually planning to fail myself.

    Hope these statement helps you guys too. Cheers

    Monday, January 14, 2008

    Habit 1: Be Proactive

    Sorry guys, I was away in Bali for a few days last week hence all my posts had been slowed down a little. Despite me being away from my computer, I did prepared my entry though. I could have posted but internet means over at Bali kinda sucked. LOL a Dial up.... It's like this ancient tachnology came to life :p

    So before further delays, I present to you, HABIT 1

    HABIT 1: BE PROACTIVE

    Principles, Paradigms and Processes

    An Underlying Principle:

    Individuals are responsible for their own choices and have the freedom to choose.

    Key Paradigm:

    "I am responsible for my behavior and the choices I make in life."
    "I can expand my personal freedom and influence through being proactive."

    Key Processes:

    Recognize reactive tendencies and develop proactive responses.
    Increase your Circle of Influence.
    Become a transition figure to benefit yourself and others.
    Exercise the human endowments through conscious choice in decision making.


    The Habit of Personal Vision

    Be Proactive means that as humans beings we are responsible for our own lives. Our basic is to act and be acted upon. It's instructive to break the word responsibility into 2 parts - Response-ability, the ability to choose your response.

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    Highly proactive people recognize that responsibility. They do not blame circumstances, conditions or conditioning for their behavior. Their behavior is a product of their conscious choices, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feelings.

    The opposite of proactive is reactive. The spirit of reactive people is the transfer of responsibility. Their language absolves their own responsibility.

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    "That's me. That's just the way I am." I am determined. There's nothing I can do about it.

    "He makes me mad!" I'm not responsible. My emotional life is governed by something outside of my control.

    Many behavioral scientists have built reactive, deterministic, stimulus-response model of human behavior. The basic idea is that we are conditioned to respond in a particular way to a particular stimulus. In contrast, the proactive model states that between stimulus and response lies our freedom to choose our response.

    As human beings, we have 4 unique human endowments that distinguish us from the animal world. These endowments resides in that space between stimulus and response.
    Self awareness is our capacity to take a look at ourselves and examine our own thinking, our motives, our habits and our paradigms.
    Conscience serves as our internal guidance system, which allows us to sense when we act or even contemplate acting in a way that's contrary to principle.
    Creative Imagination is our ability to create in our minds beyond our present reality.
    Independent Will is our capability to act, free from all other influences.

    Circle of Influence and Circle of Concern.

    Application

    This technique is good for separating out lower from higher priorities, and gaining ownership for action.

    A Circle of Concern encompasses the wide range of concerns we have, such as our health, our children, problems at work, the amount of government borrowing, or the threat of war.

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    A Circle of Influence encompasses whose concerns that we can do something about. They are concerns that we have some control over.

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    Can these circles be changed? YES is the answer. We as human beings has the ability to enlarge our circle of influence. There are many things that you could do to be more influencial towards the people around you.

    Stephen Covey defines proactive as “being responsible for our own lives…..our behaviour is a function of our decisions, not our conditions
    Proactive people focus on issues within their circle of influence. They work on things they can do something about. The nature of their energy in doing this is positive, enlarging and magnifying. They increase their Circle of Influence

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    That's it for now for the first habit. Do drop me any comments on questions that you may not understand though. I would definitely get back to you by clearing your questions.

    One more thing though, As most of you know that I just came back from Bali, Would you want me to finish on the 7 habits first or interrupt the habits and go to some huicy hot pictures of Bali? wahahahaha. Let me know on that too k? Cheers

    Monday, January 07, 2008

    7 Habits of Highly Effective People

    For the next 8 posts, I will be concentrating on sharing with all of you the principles of living effectively. I have come across several people recently and it's quite sad for me to see them aimless, lost and confuse not knowing what to do or how to improve on their lifestyle and personality.

    So I was thinking to myself, "What if I could help? What if by just sharing the basics of being an effective person helps them to be better?" I was very fortunate to be able to attend this course, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People training in my previous company. Honestly, when I first went for the training, I wasn't too excited about it as the training was hogging up my whole precious weekend and PLUS I had to drive all the way downtown for the training.

    But you know what? After the training, I began to realized that the things I learned could help me to be a better person from who I am now. I can feel the changes within me. The way I see things, the way I handle them and so on. So as boring as these next 8 posts may be, I hope you bear with me and do take time to digest them. After doing so, It would have a possibility that you too would change to be someone better. :)

    Introduction:

    DEVELOPING A HABIT

    A habit is defined as the intersection of knowledge, skill and desire. Knowledge is understanding what to do and why to do it; skill is knowing how to do it; desire is the motivation or wanting to do it. To make habits, we need to develop all three components.

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    These three components are learned rather than inherited, our habits are our second nature , not our first. We are not our current habits; hence, we should avoid defining ourselves in terms of our habits, characteristics and reactive tendencies. Habits of effectiveness can be learned, habits of ineffectiveness, unlearned.


    CHARACTER AND PERSONALITY

    The relationship between character and personality can be illustrated with an iceberg. The tip of the iceberg (personality) is what people first see. Although image, techniques and skills can influence your outward success, the weight of real effectiveness lies in good character.

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    Some of you may know, some of you may experience before; sometimes we as mere humans would judge on someone based on their outer appearance. What you see outside of a person does not determine his/her character. I for an instance always have this bad first impression people. People use to think of the first sight of seeing me that I'm some sort of a bad person, someone lack of education or some Ah Beng off the streets.

    Until they start talking to me, until they get to know me, they would later then realized how wrong they are of their assumptions towards my character. I am a walking testimonial of the phrase "Don't judge a book by its covers". One person's true self could never bee seen just like the iceberg picture above.

    Don't be too quick on judging others as we are all equal, we're all humans. We are not perfect. Every one's the same. What gives some people extra right to judge another fellow human?

    The answer is NONE!

    We do not have the right to judge another person as everyone is unique in their own different ways. We're created differently, we walked a different path of life each.

    THE MATURITY CONTINUUM

    The maturity continuum shows the relationships among the Seven Habits, Public Victory and Private Victory and the stages of interdependent progression.

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    Private Victory: We experience the Private Victory when we learn self-mastery and self-discipline.

    Public Victory: We reap the Public Victory when we build deep, lasting, highly effective relationships with other people.

    I would go through with you in the next coming entries about each habits and ways to achieve both public and private victory through these habits. Once both of these victories had been taken, you would experience what the experts call "Paradigm Shift"


    What is a Paradigm Shift?

    A Paradigm Shift is when a significant change happens - usually from one fundamental view to a different view. In most cases, some type of major discontinuity occurs as well.

    Thomas Kuhn wrote about Paradigm Shift during the early 1960s, and explained how "series of peaceful interludes punctuated by intellectually violent revolutions" caused "one conceptual world view to be replaced by another view."

    In laymen terms, Paradigm Shift is a popular, or perhaps, not so popular shift or transformation of the way we Humans perceive events, people, environment, and life altogether. It can be a national or international shift, and could have dramatic effects -- whether positive or negative -- on the way we live our lives today and in the future.

    Friday, January 04, 2008

    New Year Resolution

    As I have promised, I would post up the list of things I would like to get done for this year. I thought a lot about it but I couldn't find much things that I'm not satisfied with myself. Wahaha maybe I'm just too comfortable with myself that's all.

    So......


    Calv is.....


    Presenting.....



    Resolution for Year 2008!!


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    1) Cutback on smoking.
  • I have been trying for about 2 years to quit on smoking. I used to smoke like 2 packs of cigs a day. I fully understand the consequences of smoking and yes, I have been working on cutting down from 2 packs a day till up to date 3-4 days a pack. Not much of improvement you say? Well for some it's quite difficult despite the stress and the issues I go through throughout the 2 years. In a way, I'm making progress...


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    2) Improvements in my career.
  • I have just changed a new job. I'm earning more than my previous company. In a way I'm proud of my achievements but for this year, it's gonna get harder. I would like to stand out in my career and I have set a certain amount I wanna achieve in salary and as well as I have set the position I would like to be in for my career - a full fledged manager. :p


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    3) Find someone special.
  • for 15 months now I've remained single. I've never gone out much from my house. My only routine is to go to work and come home. That's about it. Isolation was my theme for the past year. This time around, I think it's a suitable time for me to look for someone special to complete myself in the things I would not be able to do alone. *I know. some of you are laughing while reading this =.=" *


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    4) Change of Lifestyle.
  • As I mentioned above, I have not gone out much the whole year hence it kinda distorted my once glorious social life. :( *Stop laughing =.="* So I think this year I should go out and meet the world once again. Working with my previous company had made me too lazy to go out coz everyday during the weekdays I work till late nights therefore making me lazy to leave the comfort of my house after office. It also made me appreciate home more during the weekends as it's the only time I would be able to relax and rest. This new job however, is more relaxed. They don't really encourage overtime works. So I believe I'll be able to have more time spent not only with my family but with my friends as well. :)


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    5) Obesity control.
  • Ever since I got back from Hong Kong at 2006, I gradually grew bigger in size as well as weight. I used to frequent the gym but after Hong Kong, I've been lazy and well too tired after work to hit the gym. So This year, I'm gonna put myself back to the gym and I would wanna have a proper toned up body by the end of this year *fingers crossed*


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    6) Getting a place to call my own home.
  • For 2 years now I've been planning to get my own place but was either too lazy to look for one, or due to some other plans of leaving the country that stopped me from searching harder. This year I suppose it'll be a better idea to get my own place. Well I might achieve in finding someone special so in a way, I do need something solid as well. A home would be the best bet.

  • Well so far these are the things I could think of for now. There might be more but well, I'll add more as I go along this year. 2007 was a year where I deemed that passed very swiftly. So much challenges both mentally and emotionally. I'm not saying I don't like those challenges, but c'mon, can I have a more peaceful year this year?

    Yes there are things I need to learn to deal with, to move on and to let go. We as humans learn everyday, thus I am merely performing my duty as a human by learning to deal with situations day by day.

    To my friends, you know who you are; Thanks for sticking by me throughout the year. There's loads of things that you learned about me or saw me gone through that I may not want to show but sometimes things are just too difficult to hide. Thank you so much for the support, the talks as well as the listening ears that are always available for me. If it wasn't for you guys, I would have been a "living dead fish" long time ago.

    I do too had became a great friend to most of you no? Touching the hearts of people around me and giving them testimonials that you guys had never thought of experiencing. Want examples?? Here's a few I could think of off the shelf...

    1. Getting your ears pierced despite you never expect it to come
    2. Knowing for certain that I'm a walking example of "Never judge a book by its covers"
    3. A great entertainer / joker / companion / listener / advisor

    There you go...Fair enough right??

    OK So let's do this together. Helping one another yet again to go through another year...Cheers

    Note: The fat guy picture is NOT me....and....sorry for not doing any review this week. Resolution is more important hence I decided to throw this in first. :p