Sunday, March 31, 2013

Fundementals of a Successful Relationship



Today is more of a topic in which purely comes from my own opinion. I know others have their own views of how to maintain a successful relationship, do feel free to drop a line of your opinion as well if you'd like to; however this is again, my point of view.

I do not claim myself as a man who is successful at relationships, trust me, I had my flaws and made abundance of mistakes before. However, through those mistakes and flunked out relationships in my life, I do come to conclusion of a few factors to work on to make your very own successful relationship.

The way I see it, relationship is broken down into 3 main elements:

1) Communication

There is a reason why I put the sequence the way it is. 
I always believe communication is always the top priority in one's relationship.See, the human's mind is mankind's greatest mystery. Thousands of scientists and psychologists had their full on discovering the human mind and we are still nowhere near to discover its full potential. Hence, simply put, no partner can ever truly figure out what the other partner would do or react to certain situations. I mean of course, there are assumptions and expectations, but let me get to that later on...

When we are in a relationship, nothing builds up a mutual understanding or mutual agreement quicker than the art of communication. I always believe there's a right thing to say to the right person at the right time. Wrong judgement on what sentence structure to put to someone at a wrong timing would definitely lead to a disagreement or later, an argument. I know people tend to shy away from talking about their flaws or mostly, with our ego and all, most definitely not want to talk about what they have done wrong.

WHY?

Main reason is that we are too proud of ourselves that we will never want to accept the fact that we made a mistake. Even so that we ACKNOWLEDGED that the mistake was ours, we definitely not take criticism positively. We must learn to put our pride down, know that our partner is pointing out our mistakes solely because it had hurt him / her and would want to solve this problem so it would not happen again.

So if you continue to communicate, you would know your partner's style and method in communicating then it would lead to the fact that you know that your partner actually mean no harm when he/she is pointing out the errors you made. Of course when you point out the mistakes of your partner, do so with the intentions of solving the problem and making the relationship better; not just for the sake of pointing it out to drop your partner's self esteem.

2) Trust

I think this speaks for itself. Read the book from Franklin Covey, The speed of trust. You would then understand the effectiveness of actually trusting someone instead of slowly wait for your partner to build your trust. Many people are like this, not only in work environment but also in relationships. When you accept the relationship, you would be weary and keeping your eyes locked at the first sign of unfaithfulness or even disadvantages of your partner.

I understand that this is merely just to protect yourself from getting hurt over and over again. I do that too sometimes. But what I learned is that if we do that, we are merely wasting time and tiring ourselves down to be alert at all times. Why can't we just sit back and relax and enjoy what the relationship can bring you instead? 

Example, once you accept a relationship, you put in 10% of your trust into your partner and expect your partner to build your trust till 100%. How long would that take? A week? A month? Years maybe? Are you able to keep your awareness for that long? Wouldn't it tire the hell out of you? Once you have the 100% relationship only you would consider this a successful relationship?

Why not, instead of placing only 10% of trust to your partner, place a 100%? I know, there's a lot at stake here with your heart and emotions, but trust me, it'll be hell a lot faster. Why make it your responsibility to calculate your trust for your partner? Make it your partner's responsibility to MAINTAIN that 100%! The moment you place your trust a 100%, you would realize that you are much better off doing so, and you would be more at ease enjoying what happiness this relationship could bring.

3) Commitment

Commitment is commonly one of the toughest task for people these days. Why am I saying so? There's plenty of fish in the sea ain't it? People are so spoiled with choices that they are so blinded with the one good thing their own partner could give them. 

For men especially, we are hunters, we like to hunt, it's in our blood. But let me tell you this, if you fail to resist this temptation, you fail yourself as a man. Men also have self control in their blood. Why do we keep failing to use that instead of falling into temptations.

I've seen so many cheating men and women amongst my friends that it actually sickens me to the core. People should fall back to their basics which is contentment. Why bother looking for someone better when you can always make the best of the one that you already have?!

Let me ask you. If you are dating a 25 year old girl now. 5 years down the road, she'll turn 30. However, there will be a whole new batch of 25 year old girls during that time, then what? Go for them? 5 years later, the cycle will continue. Everyone will grow old, so will yourself. It's time to just look into your own life and say stop to all these cheating and discontentment and make yourself a better person.

In conclusion, if you fail either one of these elements, you fail yourself and you have failed your relationship. However, if you have learned how to master these elements, I truly believe you are already there to the road of a successful and meaningful relationship, maybe even a fulfillment of a meaningful life :)

I will write on another day about ASSUMPTIONS and EXPECTATIONS on my next post. It'll be something again, purely from my own opinion and of course, you are free to shout your disagreement at me or point out what you think is better. 
  

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