Why oh why?!

I've always wondered why sometimes things doesn't come to you when you are looking for it; however, when you decided to stop looking, these things will tend to creep up to you.

Example: I've been jobless for a while. I mean some of you guys knows some don't so well now you know. I won't really wanna talk about how did I get myself into this situation but let's just say I have my own reasons in doing so. Foolish it may seem to some of you but hey all I'm asking is just an open mind and let me be, me. :)

For more and a month to almost two, I've been left without a job. Yes I did go on several interviews however, it wasn't really successful. Not many companies were hiring at that time and even some of the ones that are hiring, can't afford to pay me >.<

After about 2 months of struggling, I finally got a job. This time around it's a job with a huge company, I shall not reveal just yet so I won't bloody jinx my term here. At least until confirmation is assured. I do have better pay; yes very much better than the previous job and hehe I can finally wear the pants in the house....well no one to compare with but hey I'm happy enough.

Job's a little challenging and yes I do have to travel quite frequent. Tioman last week, Singapore this week, Penang next week, and probably Redang and Langkawi for this year. Next year However we are planning on Phu Quoc, Vietnam, Seychelles and London for the first quarters. I do love to travel. Of course it's never nice to travel on your own expenses but with the companies? Hell, I'm game. :p

I got myself a little comfortable with the job here then there it comes.... another offer came up to me...then another, and today, another =.="

Job 1: I'll be a contract staff for 1 year tenure at a huge MNC company. As a project manager of course leading a team and dealing with infrastructure and network related projects for this customer. Pay? Well almost double my current pay. They are going to pay me 3 months in advance for a whole year. My dilemma? When the contract ends then what? Will my contract be renewed or will I be back at square 1; job hunting again?? If so, which company will hire me with this sort of pay? Will I be contented with new jobs if I were to get lower pay, nearly half from what I'm getting? Setback, no traveling =.=" Boo Fuckin Hoo!!

Job 2: I will be hired as a sales force to find revenues in terms of sales for this company. Pay will be slightly higher than what I'm getting now of course. However, the advantage is that I get to travel around Asia Pacific....50% of my time :p Now I will be lying if I'm telling you that I'm not drooling with the offer. However, the disadvantage is that I do not have sales experiences. however the interviewer said that he can see me as a very effective sales person >.< I keep hearing people say that. How can people be so confident in me doing sales when I can't even be confident enough to see myself through?

Job 3: Now today's another offer, They wanna hire a project manager, based in Taiwan... I get to travel... yes... I get to see those hot Taiwanese chicks... yes... However, did you guys watch the youtube video on those Taiwan chicks without their heavy make up? Gosh I won't wanna be in that position!! Another setback is that I can't bloody read chinese and speaking them? well let's just say that I will tend to make people laugh and she once said my mandirin sounds cute =.="

So now what the hell am I gonna do? I need to give an answer as soon as possible. I can see myself excel and have opportunities to grow or climb the corporate ladder in this current company that I'm with. Should I be greedy and go for the money now and end up in square 1? or should I opt to work overseas to experience life in a greater manner?

Another headache is that for the past couple of months, I have repeatedly scratching my head so much just to think on how to reject people and decline a relationship. hahaha... well at least now It's been better, I got no more unwanted requests and I'm contented with what I already have.

Sigh... Dilemma dilemma.... I kinda know which path I should take already. I mean I'm finally settling down emotionally and mentally. I don't really want to struggle anymore after what I've been through for the past few months.

I mean yes I've gotten happier in ways. However, there's still a black smudge lingering in me of the past experience I've been having. At least now I do finally realize that I have friends who still cares for me, people who will be there for me during the time of needs. At first I thought when I turned single, I'm gonna be there facing it alone which had happened to me before. It's a torment and it's never a good memory.

At least now I do have someone who would be there for me, well, most of the time to cheer me up and to share some life stories lol. Someone there to give you a hug when you need one, someone to let you lean on them when you are tired and frail, someone to put a smile right back to your face, someone to make you laugh at the silly things that are being said or done. At least i have people now who are not critical to me, who accepts me just the way I am...someone who does not judge me just because of some decisions I've made.

It's been a real experience for me to find myself again. Who I really am, What I really am....

Guess I should stop for now...it's getting a little long and a little too personal :p